Stakeholders and CEOs warn that benefits to the environment could severely damage quarterly profits
Life forms around the world have expressed relief at the recent grounding of hundreds of international flights due to coronavirus.
A statement from the International Committee of Non-Human Life Forms (ICNHLF), released Wednesday, said: “while we express our sympathies to the stakeholders of the world’s major airlines, who may have to forgo their bonuses this year, it has been jolly nice to be able to breathe some relatively clean air for a change.”
The International Society of Birds also responded positively to the recent developments, saying: “while we continue to wait for our apology for all the birds killed by being sucked into plane engines, it’s nice to know that fewer of our species will have to suffer the same fate for the time being.”
The ICNHLF said that it was ready to embrace this “unique” opportunity to stress the environmental benefits of putting fewer planes in the sky, though it expressed doubts that humans would listen. The organisation, which was originally named the International Committee of Life Forms, renamed itself following the human species’ first cognitive revolution and subsequent isolation from other life on Earth some 70,000 years ago, which prompted its ejection from the committee. “The door remains open,” said a spokeselephant for the ICNHLF when asked about the possibility of humans being readmitted. “As we have made clear time and again, we are always ready to welcome humans back into the fold once they show themselves willing to uphold our strict environmental protection standards, which far surpass theirs. Sadly, all evidence points to the contrary. Not only do they seem entirely uninterested in working with us, they seem to have forgotten how to communicate and cohabit with other life forms altogether.”
Elsewhere, human scientists warned that their predictions for worldwide environmental and societal collapse might have to be adjusted in light of the relief to the environment caused by the drop in flights. U.S. President Donald Trump took to Twitter to urge international bodies to act quickly. “PROFIT LOSS CAUSED BY CORONAVIRUS IS THE SINGLE GREATEST CRISIS FACING HUMANITY TODAY!! GET THOSE PLANES BACK IN THE F***ING SKY!!” he wrote (capitals in original).
Aviation and public health officials said they are working together around the clock to remedy the situation and get CO2 emissions back to pre-coronavirus levels.
Cover image: Brett Sayles (from Pexels.com)